A Little Life

I’ll be blunt upfront. A LITTLE LIFE (2015) by Hanya Yanagihara is the most soul-wrenching novel I have perhaps ever read. In the novel Yanagihara follows in minute detail the lives of four men who become friends, “a clique,” in college and continue to be close into their late fifties. JB Marion begins his work life as a “receptionist at a small but influential magazine based in SoHo that covered the downtown art scene,” with ambitions to become an artist. Fatherless since he was three, JB is of Haitian descent, tends toward being overweight, and is gay. Willem Ragnarsson, handsome and “liked by everyone” starts out as a waiter, but has his eye set on becoming a professional actor on stage and screen. In ways, Malcolm Irvine is the outlier of the group, still living at home with his parents who are a couple of mixed-race. He is wealthy and determined to become an architect. Malcolm appears to be oblivious of his appeal to others, even naïve, somewhat confused about his sexuality, and unmindful of his financial situation although generous to his friends and others when they are in need. At the core of the four friends is Jude St. Francis who holds the group together—not so much by what he does even though he is considerably bright, loyal, and hard-working, as well as determined to become a prosecutor, but because his friends care about him and Jude has needs. Parentless and with a mysterious past all of which he never speaks about and never having “a girlfriend or a boyfriend,” Jude has trouble with his legs and is frequently in pain. Although he never complains nor asks for help, his friends are very aware of his situation and go out of their way to assist Jude in as tactful of a manner as possible. Mainly set in New York City, as A LITTLE LIFE unfolds, Yanagihara brings into the fold other characters of importance including a doctor, Andy Contractor, and a former law professor, Harold Stein and his wife Judy, all of whom play important roles in in the novel, as well as a host of minor characters. It is, however, the four friends who remain central to the story, especially Jude and Willem, roommates in college and who remain the closest of the friends. The bulk of Yanagihara’s novel is told in chronicle order, but as the novel progresses, there are more flashbacks and memories, some of which get repeated with added detail as they surface, most of them revolving around Jude who becomes more and more the novel’s central character. When thinking about tragic characters in prose fiction, no one comes my mind as being more tragic than Jude Fawley from Thomas Hardy’s JUDE THE OBSCURE (1894/1895) which may be the motivation for the author’s name for her main character—Jude, “the patron saint of lost causes.” Although readers soon come to the realization Jude is a physically and emotionally scarred individual, Yanagihara’s revelations about the details of Jude’s history are painfully slow in coming—mirroring the complexity and rawness of those very memories which haunt and torment Jude. They are memories which have shaped, or rather distorted, his life. In one flashback the author reveals twenty-five years in the past, Ana, Jude's now deceased “first and only social worker” warning Jude during a hospital stay, “…you have to talk about these things while they’re fresh. Or you’ll never talk about them… and it’s going to fester inside you, and you’re always going to think you’re to blame. You’ll be wrong, of course, but you’ll always think it.” There are relatively few highs in Jude’s life and when they occur, the reader is bound to find them tearful moments of joy. The increasingly close friendship between Jude and Willem with both of them at the zenith of their careers is complex—filled paradoxically with the bounty which human relationships can contain along with enormous peril. Unfortunately, most of Jude’s life is a series of unrelenting, dreadful, terrifying, shattering lows and betrayals accompanied by self-destructive impulses which become worse and worse, adding to a man’s already burdensome childhood, youth, and life-long post-traumatic stress. Jude’s is a portrait of suffering beyond comprehension and the brutal perpetrators of his torments throughout his life are the epitome of unfathomable, monstrous human behavior. Thus, A LITTLE LIFE does not make for easy reading. It is emotionally jolting and at the same time riveting. So vivid are Yanagihara’s expose of the quartet of characters, the reader becomes one with them, making it a quintet. The author’s characters are real to life, the dialogue is vivid and genuine, and the quality of the writing as well as the tone of the novel is unswerving. Although Yanagihara’s central characters meet with sometimes staggering personal and professional successes, there are also failures and tragedies, both past and present, and always a dire cloud which encircles them all, especially Jude. Due to her immense and encompassing narrative skills, readers will eventually brace themselves so that whenever a horrifying revelation is made about Jude’s secret past or his present, there is likely worse to come. A narrative trick Yanagihara pulls a little over a quarter of the way into the novel and again at the half-way point, moving from an omniscient narrator to what clearly is a first person although not readily identifiable narrator, is bound to strike the reader as both curious and possibly even portentous. It is left up to the reader to recognize and interpret for themselves the meaning of the author’s temporary changes in point of view. She does the same switch near the book’s conclusion which eventually brings the work to its shocking climax and even more emotionally numbing, traumatic end. Clearly, A LITTLE LIFE is not for everyone. even though the novel is a modern masterpiece of writing and prose fiction and a work which will haunt the reader for a long time. The most resilient reader may very likely find there are times when they simply must close the book and exit the bleakness of the world Yanagihara creates before picking the book up again. Others may discover there are times when they simply want to throw the book across the room. Some readers may find the book impossible to finish because it is so emotionally draining. Regardless of the reader’s reaction to the novel, A LITTLE LIFE is an incredible accomplishment and a work which haunt the reader for a long time. [NOTES: (1) A LITTLE LIFE has recently been declared one of “The 20 Best Novels of the Decade” by Emily Temple for The Literary Hub on December 23, 2019. (2) The book’s cover photo is from a series of photos taken in the 1960s by Peter Hujar. The photo is titled “Orgasmic Man.” The photo is purposefully ambiguous. Is the man depicted experiencing joy or pain? (3) A stage adaptation of A LITTLE LIFE ran in Amsterdam in 2018 and 2019 with limited runs, only, most of which were in Dutch.]

There are so many things I loved about this book, countered by so many things I hated. Yet, the beauty I saw in my head in the “happy years” and the emotions I felt, terrible and tragic, overcame the things I disliked about it. Leaving me thinking about this book nearly every single hour, every single day for the past month. Coincidentally, falling in love with it. Whilst horribly missing and feeling a sense of loss towards Willem and Jude. Though I thought some characters were 1 dimensional, I believe their two amazing characters had so much depth and personality that they shown against the others, making it worth while. I think some minor descriptions got repetitive and sometimes boring, which made it harder to get through the 814 pages, but in the end it was worth it. The final chapter was absolutely amazing, I have never read something that made me this emotional, all whilst tying up the text perfectly. I was able to recognize the many different meanings behind the title of the book, which was a heartbreaking experience for some of them, but I always love figuring out the titles significance to the text itself. Which this book does very well on. Now some reviews hate on this book for its continuous graphic content and repetitive unlikeness of Jude’s life. However I never felt this way. Sure it was hard to get through many sections about Jude’s past. But I don’t think they are used just to make us feel terrible. The created a story one in which we saw Jude carrying such weight for the 53 years of his life. One which that affected everything he did and everyone we loved. It did this in a way I haven’t seen a book do. And with the unlikeness of the events all happening in his life. Sure maybe every horrible thing that happened to him seemed unbelievable because how many traumatic things can happen to one guy? But how I saw it was, these things DO happen to people. R*pe, p*dophilia, s*x trafficking, kidnapping, car accidents, abusive relationships, loss, depression; and all of the other things Jude experienced. It’s not like someone who faces trauma in their life, only has one event happen and the rest of their lives runs smoothly. I also saw how Jude could be representing so many different people and different life experiences. For this reason this didn’t make it unbelievable to me in any way. The only way it is if you stay for narrowed and head on with the book, rather then thinking about bigger context; the issues in todays world, what people experience, and how he was a representation, representing all sorts of people in one character. It’s if I saw Jude as almost a metaphor. People also disagreed on the other extremity’s that took place, but on the other spectrum; success. All of the characters have an arch in their careers and all become super successful in their particular field. Even Jude, although he has had set back after set back. I think if the author had given Jude a mediocre life, or not have found his friends, and Harold and Julia, his adoptive parents, his career and life, he would have not made it as long as he did. Because mind me again, these things do happen to people, and are very hard to overcome. So Yanahigara, of course gave him this beautiful life, and all of his friends one. Too. But let’s not say it was without struggle. Jude struggles everyday with trauma and sadness, topped with self hatred, Jb struggled with a drug addiction, Willem didn’t get gig after gig and wondered about his competence, Malcolm didn’t make it for a while, under the pressure of his parents. Like real life there were setbacks for all of them, before they made it big. And what is unrealistic about making it big, when one you are passionate about what you love and two you went to a good university? I think it’s unfair to these people’s characters to say their lives became unrealistic either on the traumatic aspect or the success. Because success does in-fact happen for people too. Sure both may have seem over the top, but I also never felt this way. It was if the book was written to have two extremes on the spectrum, and show that even a beautiful life that is so big and grand full of everything anyone could want, received and deserved, not given, cannot heal such trauma from one’s life, making only but a little life.

Hanya Yanagihara's novel has been with me for almost three months now, so I began to truly feel subsumed by its halting, lilting textures and tones--the crystal-coated world, the fully-fleshed, exquisitely-crafted, haunted characters, the sheer beauty of the prose. The writing is almost mercenary--it drags you down its alleys, it sucks you into its breathless passages, it lights itself on fire, and while burning, jumps out of a plane, taking you with it hell or high water. It is a compelling read, not an easy feat at 700+ pages, and it will take over your life. And, it must be said, your emotional state. While A LITTLE LIFE structurally does at first resembles notable ensemble-after-college works by Meg Wolitzer or Claire Messed, the book is tricking you. It is very much about a man named Jude St. Francis (and the people who revolve around him), who overcomes astronomical odds of horrific physical, verbal, and sexual abuse to become a gleaming member of Manhattan's gilded class--a brilliant litigator, at a prestigious firm, with friends who are professors and artists, vacation homes, trips to Europe, even a loft on SoHo's Green street. Jude is certainly one of the most compelling creations I have read in recent fiction, and his story is all neo-grit-Dickensian, but Yanagihara's ambitions go beyond a mere portrait of a tormented soul. The brilliance of the book is that it attempts to show the effects of abuse on others, namely those who try to love Jude, in different ways, in different types of relationships, throughout his life. Some of these characters get a story of their own: certainly Willem, the midwesterner who loved his crippled brother more than his own parents did, and became, almost to his own surprise, a latter day movie star (Yanagihara has a lot of fun titling all his award-worthy films). And some characters get discarded, like Malcolm, the dissatisfied "starchitect", part of the original quartet of friends, who is virtually abandoned halfway through the story. Also, I never fully understood J.B., the self-serving, acerbic painter (again, the titles of his gallery shows are the stuff of genius). The novel, cleverly and effectively, is set in a dream parallel version of New York City, perhaps now, perhaps in the past, perhaps in the future. The only clue we get about the intersection of time and place is on a single page, when one of the characters says they need to go DOWNTOWN to get to the Whitney. Yanagihara, along the way, presents us with fascinating (and sometimes incredibly sad) side stories, some about Jude, some not, and we get broadly entertaining (and thoroughly, meticulously researched) scenes about the absurdities of the art world, the inner workings of law firms, Hollywood stardom, how doctors in various fields of medicine all view each other, the state of architecture, academia, and life at modern day orphanages, just to name a few examples. The novel is as wide-reaching as it is consuming. Possible spoilers may lie in wait here.. Where the novel fails for me is in its insistence on not exploring any gray areas. Characters are either saintly or evil, and the circuitry of the individual relationships (particularly those involving the friendships between men) didn't always ring true for me. Jude's suffering, while palpable, tragic, and harrowing, at times verged on TOO MUCH, in the way that Jack Bauer on the latter seasons of the TV show "24" (and his surrogate on "Homeland") seemed to just be repeating endless cycles of suffering. How could they never even have had a weekend break from getting tortured? How could one person suffer THAT MUCH? The answer is they can't, really. Jude, as a child, just seemed to steer from the clutches of one abuser into the hands of a worse abuser. And this goes on and on and yet he STILL manages to get into an Ivy League school where the hurt finally ends, but where the wounds only begin to heal. An extremely interesting but simultaneously ridiculous relationship depicted in the book is that between Jude and his lifelong friend and doctor, Andy, who drops everything he's doing, and thrusts himself at Jude with all his might in an effort to heal the un-healable. The man has a practice, a family, and yet his obsession with Jude (and others, too) borders on the inane. He treats Jude for years, desperately trying to save him from himself, showing up at his apartment, at his work, taking him to dinners, and never charging him a dime. The other major weakness in the book is an uncomfortable lapse or two (or three) into Lifetime movie territory. The long, pulsing sections where Jude, after overcoming so much, gets involved in a bizarre, abusive relationship with another prominent figure reads almost like a gay FATAL ATTRACTION. There is a Third Act car crash, untimely deaths, further failures and losses, that whirl and shock, and ultimately the book decides to sort of relent and admit what it's been all along: a beautifully-written, thoughtful, pulpy tragedy. No more, no less. Although, in a way, it is so much more. And worth your time. And yes, you will probably feel conflicted, as I was. Because as bright as this work shines, its flaws are pretty glaring too. Did it need to be so long? I think, perhaps, the book could have lost 150-200 pages and shined just as bright, but I also felt a careful editorship at work here, and I'm not sure, ultimately, a word could have been lost or changed. A LITTLE LIFE speaks to the vulnerabilities and fragility of humanity, on both sides of good and evil. In that way, life is always little. And precious. But creating a work of art sometimes seems guided by the constellations themselves--and therefore life, so little, can sometimes loom so large.

"There seemed to be an inevitability to this, to his life: that every year he would become worse - more disgusting, more depraved. Every year, his right to humanness diminished, every year, he became less and less of a person." - Oh Judy I hate that you felt this way, my heart still aches for you. You were so MUCH MORE than what was done to you. You were such a bright light in so many people's lives, I only wish you could've seen what you meant to them all. If only you could've seen yourself the way they all saw you. My heart is utterly shattered, my soul is gutted and my mind is blown. I have never read a book like this and don't think I will ever encounter such a beautifully tragic book again. This book is hard to get through, not because it isn't extremely well written (because it most definitely is) but because it deals with such hard topics from beginning to end. I will never forget Jude, Willem, Malcom or JB. Their unconditional love for one another (even during their fallouts) was magical. These four men will live rent free in my mind and will forever have a corner of my heart along with a piece of my soul. Harold, Julia, Richard, Lucien and Andy will all reside in my heart for the rest of time as well. All of these characters were heroes. They never gave up on Jude and they never for one second let him forget that he was loved, that he was cherished. Even in those moments where he couldn't believe it, they were there. They never wavered, if only all of us could be lucky enough to have a Willem, Malcom and JB in our lives, a Harold, Julia, Richard, Lucien and Andy in our lives. I don't think I've ever cried so much while reading a book and going into this book blind probably wasn't the brightest idea but I am glad that I didn't look up any of the trigger warnings (although in hindsight I probably should've) because it allowed me to dive head first into Jude's world. I felt everything so strongly and will never forget this story. It has etched itself onto me and will always be part of me. I can't imagine I'll ever be able to let go of any of these characters. As I sit here with tears still streaking my cheeks I can't help but hope that somewhere out there Jude and Willem and Malcom and JB are somehow reunited. That the four of them can continue to be a unit forming new memories and loving each other unconditionally for who they are. At least in my head that's how I will always remember them, laughing and loving. Brother Luke, Dr. Traylor and Caleb were despicable. So were all the other men who had a hand in harming Jude. I hated them with every fiber of my being. They were cowards and don't deserve to be called men. They are trash. Nothing more. I wanted to throw the book across the room every time pieces of his past were revealed instead I screamed at these horrible men again and again until I got it out of my system enough to be able to continue on. Jude deserved so much better than what these cowards did to him. My only source of peace is that his friends loved him far beyond what he ever knew, what he ever thought possible even when he was at his lowest and that even though he never accepted that they were there to stay forever they stood by him until the very end. My heart grew three sizes throughout his journey. It also broke into a billion pieces throughout his journey. "Willem, I think I turned out pretty normal, all things considered, don't you?" "No, I think you turned out extraordinary, all things considered or not." ^ I agree completely with you Willem. Jude St. Francis you were an extraordinary man who accomplished great things. You were an amazing lawyer and man. You were a wonderful friend and son. You loved so deeply. If I could give this book an infinite amount of stars I would. Lastly, I'd like to add a thank you to the author. Hanya Yanagihara, thank you for writing Jude's story. Thank you for doing it with grace and respect. Thank you for writing a story that has impacted me so greatly. And finally, thank you for sharing your talent with the world. You are an incredibly talented writer and I am glad I came across your work.

A Little Life follows four college friends as they navigate careers, love, friendship and life and death. At the center of the four friends is Jude, a mysterious young man who suffers from severe leg and back pain and whose body is covered in scars. Jude shares little about his own life and his three friends -- Malcom, Wilhem, & JB -- know better than to ask him about his childhood. The book alternates perspectives throughout, although Jude remains central. As the novel progresses, the story of Jude's past slowly unfolds to reveal a history of abuse and unspeakable trauma. I LOVED this book. At 700+ pages it was an emotionally challenging read that takes hold of you from page one and puts you through the wringer. I cried. A LOT. And, I'm not much of a cryer. Yanagihara makes you fall in love with the characters then makes you suffer as they make some horrible decisions, try to reconcile their past, and struggle to find love and self-worth. Jude is portrayed with an emotional sensitivity that I found surprising. Yanagihara gives readers a real sense of how trauma can impact both the victim and his social circle. As a psychologist, I often find myself irritated by portrayals of mental illness in books, but here I found myself amazed at how well the author portrayed a difficult personality profile whose frustrating actions do not take away from the love you feel for him. It can be a difficult read since there is a lot of disturbing content including multiple forms of abuse. At times, I felt like the author was going a little too far in piling on the abuse history. So many horrific things happened to one of the characters that it bordered on sensationalist and took away from some of the realism of the book. The content isn't particularly graphic since much of it is left to the imagination, but it is nevertheless heart-wrenching. But while the history of abuse is prominent, the book isn't about abuse. It's about relationships and some of them are so beautiful that their warmth makes you cry from the happy moments. The writing is truly fantastic. Even mundane events are made to shine and descriptions very subtly shift based on which character perspective we are reading. For example, take this passage from one of JB's chapter: The other aspect of those weekday-evening trips he loved was the light itself, how it filled the train like something living as the cars rattled across the bridge, how it washed the weariness from his seat mates' faces and revealed them as they were when they first came to the country, when they were young and America seemed conquerable. He'd watch that kind light suffuse the car like syrup, watch it smudge furrows from foreheads, slick gray hears into gold, gentle the aggressive shine from cheap fabrics into something lustrous and fine. And then the sun would drift, the car rattling uncaringly away from it, and the world would return to its normal sad shapes and colors, the people to their normal sad state, a shift as cruel and abrupt as if it had been made by a sorcerer's wand. JB, is an artist, thus his observations are seen through the eyes of an artist. Other characters focus on different aspects that are relevant to their own important identities. Picking up on these subtleties makes this book that much more special. Other favorite quotes: You have never known fear until you have a child, and maybe that is what tricks us into thinking that it is more magnificent, because the fear itself is more magnificent. Every day, your first thought is not "I love him" but "How is he?" The world overnight, rearranges itself into an obstacle course of terrors. I would hold him in my arms and wait to cross the street and would think how absurd it was that my child, that any child, could expect to survive this life. It seemed as improbable as the survival of one of those late-spring butterflies - you know, those little white ones- I sometimes saw wobbling through the air, always just millimeters away from smacking itself against a windshield. Friendship was witnessing another’s slow drip of miseries, and long bouts of boredom, and occasional triumphs. It was feeling honored by the privilege of getting to be present for another person’s most dismal moments, and knowing that you could be dismal around him in return. Will you like this book? Here are my pros and cons for the book: Pros: stellar writing, rich character development, diverse characters (in terms of racial background and sexual orientation), emotionally evocative. Sensitive portrayal of the long term impacts of trauma. I also liked that the book showed a different angle of abuse - how someone so seemingly successful and well-loved can be hiding great pain underneath the surface. Cons: at times bordering on sensationalist. Yanigahara goes too far in her piling on of abuse after abuse. Yes, there are individuals who experience multiple traumas but it gets to a point where it's a little much. I didn't think that was needed to make her point about the long-term impacts of childhood trauma on the lives of individuals. Feels emotionally manipulative at several times.

A book that you think about long after reading. The way she develops the characters is a masterclass. The book is subdued and emotional all at the same time.

While there was much I liked about this novel, there was also much I disliked. As many reviewers have said, it could have easily been at least 200 pages shorter without losing any impact. SPOILERS AHEAD What I liked: The first quarter of the book, which detailed their early adulthood. The descriptions of what it feels like to be suicidal, even though you want for nothing, were valuable. The insights into such depressive thinking, and how childhood abuse can color a person's entire future, were well-written and definitely made me ponder these issues in new ways. I enjoyed reading about adult characters who feel complete without having children, and for whom friends become family. I found this to be refreshing. The writing style appeals to me. I really liked Ms. Yanagihara's first book, The People in The Trees, and will no doubt buy her next as well, regardless of how I felt about A Little Life. What I disliked: I read the book over a short period of time (a few days), but if I hadn't done so, I would never have been able to keep all the characters straight. There were many who added almost nothing to the story. Remembering whether Phillipa was someone from their college dorm versus a past girlfriend, etc., would have been impossible if I'd read this over the course of a month. Having most character names be unusual did help a bit. The book is presented in the media (and in blurbs) as if it were going to be the story of 4 men. It's not. It's the story of Jude, and sort-of the story of Willem. I don't know if Ms. Yanagihara originally intended to feature JB and Malcolm more but realized the book would be 1500 pages if she did, or whether the blurbs are intentionally misleading. I suppose if the blurbs and media soundbites were truthful about the sexual abuse aspect, the book might not sell. So maybe this is the fault of the publisher's marketing department. Either way, until I was 3/4 of the way done, I kept waiting for the story to switch over to JB or Malcolm and of course it never did. The fact that all the characters were so unbelievably successful seemed absurd. And while I understood Jude's financial motivation for going to work at a large law firm with brutal hours, by the age of 45 he would have had all the money he'd ever need. It seemed that if he were such a wonderful, giving, loving person, that he would have moved on to working for non-profits or some such (or gone back to the US Attorney's office). And while near the end of the novel it's mentioned that he still does the art pro-bono work, that seems contradicted by all the earlier passages about how he works at the firm around 20 hours a day. I found it increasingly hard to understand why Jude's closest friends/family liked him so much - enough to go to such extreme lengths to try to help him. Is anyone truly this saint-like? And WHY did they adore him so? It felt like there was too much 'telling' and not enough 'showing.' I kept wishing for more dialogue, for more scenes that brought me into the room, into the action. Instead, I felt like I was observing from a remove. Perhaps this was the author's intention - but it made for a less-immersive reading experience. I'm sure this next criticism is peevish on my part, but it bugged me that the college they attended was not named. How hard is it to say "Harvard" or "Williams" or just make up a fictional school? The fact that it went unnamed felt like an affectation. Perhaps Ms. Yanagihara was trying to convey universality - to show that no matter where you go, you bond with roommates? The fact that the action is not anchored in time was another problem for me. Mainly because it seemed insane that a beautiful abandoned infant would have no takers. ("Healthy white baby, 5 years?! What else you got?" - Raising Arizona) Maybe during the depression, or the 1800's, I could believe that an infant would just be given to a monastery - but not any time from the 1960's on. Ditto for the boys' home Jude later goes to - it's much more likely, no matter where he was, that he'd enter the foster care system. I really wanted to love this book - and I feel like it could've been something I loved. I get the sense from others' reviews that I'm not the only one. I'm conflicted about recommending it to my friends.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️✨ (4.5 stars) A Little Life is one of those books that settles deep into your bones and refuses to leave. Jude’s story is heartbreak in its purest form—tragic, heavy, and painfully raw. His pain unfolds in layers, and even when you think it can’t get worse, it somehow does. This book truly hurt to read at times, but in a way that felt meaningful rather than gratuitous. Willem, though—what an absolute gift of a character. He is kindness personified, the kind of person everyone deserves in their life. His love, loyalty, and gentleness feel like a safe place, not just for Jude but for the reader as well. He’s the reminder that even in the darkest moments, there can still be goodness. This story once again drove home the idea that family isn’t always the one you’re born into, but the one you build. The friendships and chosen family in this book are what make the heartbreak survivable and the story so powerful. I knocked off half a star only because the beginning was genuinely hard to get through. The start was slow, and the point of view shifts were confusing at first since it didn’t immediately clarify whose perspective you were in. I also usually hate flashbacks—but surprisingly, I loved how they were done here. They were woven in so thoughtfully, giving you glimpses of the past without fully revealing everything. Those little “six years ago” blanks keep you moving forward, curious and uneasy, and add so much emotional depth to the story. Devastating, beautiful, and unforgettable—this book is an emotional commitment, but one that stays with you long after the final page.

First things first, I think this is the best written book I've ever read (maybe that doesn't say a lot because I mostly read YA romances or thrillers - but still, the writting on this book is amazing and anyone can attest to that). Second, oh where to begin... I can see why people either hate or love this book. In life, you encounter people with different approaches to life - some may choose to look at the positive side of things, others get a little stuck on the negatives - with this book is no different. Yes, there's a sequence of tragedies and inimaginable horrors and you can get stuck on that, but, like myself, you can extract SO MANY great things from this book, I chose to look at it as story about love (and not necessarily romantic love). The author managed to put into words thoughts that I had throughout my life about relationship, friendship, adulthood, parenthood, death and, as a lawyer, even the law. All the characters are well built, even if you don't go too deep in their past, there's background enough to understand why they are the way they are, why they struggle with what they struggle. I went in prepared to cry, but by the last page I was sobbing so hard I felt like I was going to throw up. Since then I carry the characters close to my heart and think about them every single day. I'm grateful for the opportunity to know their story. Jude, you will stick with me forever.

Ich war lange um die Originalfassung herumgeschlichen und ließ sie dann ein paar Jahre bei mir zu Hause liegen, denn ich hatte großen Respekt vor dem Umfang und wollte dieses Buch wirklich in Ruhe lesen. Das habe ich dann im letzten Sommer geschafft - aber die Geschichte hat auch mich geschafft: Die Geschichte von Jude ist wirklich herzzerreißend - auch wenn man über den gesamten Roman hinweg immer nur häppchenweise erfährt, was ihm passiert ist, ahnt man es im Grunde schon. Und es ist herzzerreißend zu sehen, wie sehr das nicht nur ihn selbst prägt, sondern über die ganzen Jahre hinweg auch sein gesamtes Umfeld. Ich habe mich gefragt, ob dieser Roman auf einer wahren Geschichte beruht - und wenn nicht, ob es wirklich nötig ist, tragische Missbrauchsgeschichten - letztlich zu Unterhaltungszwecken - in diesem Ausmaß zu überzeichnen. Darüber muss ich noch nachdenken. Was mich aber wirklich überrascht hat: Im Lauf des Lesens ließ meine Sympathie für Jude bei allem Mitgefühl langsam nach. Und vielleicht unterscheidet das diesen Roman von anderen "schön-tragischen" Geschichten: Jude ist so gefangen in seinem Schicksal, dass er auch gegenüber seinen Lieben im Grunde keine echte Empathie mehr aufbringen kann, sondern sich ständig um sich selbst dreht: Statt sich z.B. als Anwalt für missbrauchte Kinder einzusetzen, arbeitet er in einer Wirtschaftskanzlei; statt sich ernsthaft für seine Freunde und deren Sorgen zu interessieren, schafft er es nicht, J.B. einen kleinen Fehltritt zu verzeihen (während er sich auf der anderen Seite auf eine lebensgefährliche Affaire mit einem brutalen Choleriker einlässt); statt Willem ziehen zu lassen, schafft er es nicht, sich aus dessen Beziehung mit einer Frau herauszuhalten; als sich abzeichnet, dass sein Arzt sich aus familiären Gründen von ihm verabschieden muss, hat er keinen Raum für dessen Motive, sondern sieht nur seinen eigenen Verlust. Auch am Ende der Geschichte wird das nicht besser - aber hier möchte ich nicht spoilern. Sich in J.B. hineinzufühlen, die Motive seines Arztes nachzuvollziehen, andere zu fragen, wie es ihnen geht, ihnen seine eigene Hilfe anzubieten, für sie da zu sein, zu erkennen, dass auch er sie verletzen kann - zu alldem scheint Jude nicht in der Lage. Statt dessen sieht und beurteilt er seine Bezugspersonen fast ausschließlich danach, ob sie ihm gut tun, ob sie ihn verletzen, ob er sie braucht oder vielleicht gerade nicht erträgt. Vielleicht ungewollt übt er so eine unglaubliche Macht über seine Lieben aus, deren Leben zunehmend von der ständigen Sorge um sein Wohlbefinden geprägt ist. Am Ende ist es ein zum Scheitern verurteilter Kampf um die Rettung eines geliebten Menschen, der im Grunde nicht gerettet werden will. Insgesamt ein unglaublich mitreißender Roman - für den man allerdings viel Zeit, gute Nerven und einen freien Kopf mitbringen sollte.

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Perfect condition🥰🥰🥰

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